Coming home to your apartment makes you want to…
A. Revel in the warm glow of hearth and home
B. Relax with a cognac in the library
C. Wretch if you have to look at that green shag carpet again
If it’s time to pull yourself up by the nasty carpet strings and find
that place with the crown molding, French windows and hardwood floors
that every fool on TV seems to have, then before you embark on this
mission-seemingly-impossible, here are the five things you should know.
Thing No. 1 There’s usually at least one rental resource out
there that really has decent listings.
Every city is filled with
the big conglomerate rental agencies that advertise the charming little
cottages for a song and when you sign up, you find out that they mean
is cheesy complex with thin walls and cheap blinds. Find a localized
service that knows the area and is a destination for the landlord who
has fewer than 300 units to rent and has more like…I
dunno…one? If you find a good one, it shouldn’t be more
than 10-12 bucks per month. If you search for 3 months, it should
be well worth it. On the flip side, the big ones are free to
renters because they’re making their money on the other end which means
you’re in conglomerate hell.
Thing No. 2 craigslist.
This is destination central
when it comes to starting the search. Since it’s pretty cheap to
list, it’s a great resource for the less than wealthy land baron who
has a charming little place or two and is looking to hand pick just the
right candidate (you). Sort by location and then just browse
around to get a feel for what’s out there and how much things
cost. And, it’s free. www.craigslist.org
Thing No. 3 Stay away from the big local newspaper.
Conglomerate hell again and too many come-ons. Go for the
alternative press and the penny-saver paper; recycler.com.
Thing No. 4 Don’t bother if it doesn’t sound great.
Most
of the places that do sound great, aren’t so you can rest assured that
those that don’t, really aren’t. If you think you’re going to
find some gem that everyone has overlooked…you’re not and you’re going
to kill yourself with exhaustion trying and really kill yourself when
you see what’s out there. Focus.
Thing No. 5 Know the code.
There are plenty of legends about
how “cozy” means the size of a postage stamp and “charming” stands for
dilapidated and “rustic” well, rustic really is the Defcon 5 warning of
apartment rentals. Rustic usually means no plumbing when used in
reference to a villa in Tuscany. We don’t even want to know what
it means in a rental apartment. Rusticity aside, while these
words might very well be euphemisms, they can often be indications that
your in the right zone. Nobody would dare describe a downtown
hi-rise as “charming” would they? Well, in New York they would,
but New York has it’s own set of rules. Anyway, keep an eye out
for the lexicon that seems to pay off for you.
Thing No. 6 Check the comps
Used to be only home buyers could see what similar homes in the neighborhood went for but with www.rentometer.com you can enter the address, monthly rent, number of bedrooms and units in the building and it will tell you if you're paying more or less than comparable units in the neighboorhood or if it's just right. It uses data available from other sources and mashes it up with a Google Maps application and voila -- you're in the know.
Thing No. 7 When it finally happens…ACT!
So, after weeks
of crack houses, psycho landlords and feeling that one gem slipping
through your fingers as the words “sorry, it was just rented 5 minutes
ago” ring in your ears…there it is. It’s nearly perfect, you can
nearly afford it and it’s just been listed. This is where we bust
out of our Clark Kent street clothes and move into action. This
is not for the faint of heart. Here’s the goal; you must get a
check into the owner’s hands if it kills you. Tell them right
there, on the spot, I want this place, let me write you a check right
now. He or she will blush and say things about taking
applications and showing the place and blah, blah, blah. Don’t be
rude or arrogant (rarely a good idea when you want something from your
prey) just smile and say “actually, that’s fine but I’d really like to
write you a check now.” The game here is that at the end of the
day, she wants to rent the place before losing any more time having it
sit empty. As long as you seem like a lovely tenant who, btw,
really appreciates the place, at the end of the day, you’ll end up with
it because otherwise she’d be looking a gift horse in the mouth.
She could drag it out and look at more people, but why? Besides,
all those gems that slipped through your fingers? That’s how they
did it.